With All My Heart I Cry Worthy

Although my heart breaks for the one person who has hurt me the most in this world, I cannot pretend that I do not care. I will forever care, and I will forever remember you in my prayers. When it seems like I can't bear the burden you've placed on me, I remember that the Lord says to cast all our burdens on Him because He cares for us. If only it were that easy.
You don't know it, but I do think about you. Every day it haunts me like a bad feeling I can't shake off. How could someone I cared for so deeply for so long be so lost? How did I let this happen? Aren;t I supposed to be the "good example" as a Christian and show you the "right path" to follow? Where did I go wrong? But this is not my fault. I cannot change your stubborn mind.
Lord my spirit feels burdened.
       "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
              2 Corinthians 4:16
Create in me a pure heart and a steadfast spirit. Although I do not understand, help me to be patient and trusting in You. For You are Worthy.

'Tis the Season to Be Jolly

Honestly, I'm tired of thinking of everything I "want." There is so much I could "want" in this world; technology is constantly evolving, clothing trends are forever changing, new ways to entertain ourselves are being invented every day. Why fill my life up with material things that are meant to bring me entertainment when I find little joy in them. While I love getting jiggy with Michael Jackson on Just Dance as much as the next person (not sarcastic), it is a temporary joy for me.

This Christmas season, I want to give others an everlasting joy. What greater gift could I receive than seeing the twinkle in someone's eye when they hear they are going to be able to eat ham on Christmas for the first time or giving a family in Rwanda a goat so they can have milk for nourishment? I want to be given eyes that see the deep hungers of those around me, not just the "Fine" response given when asked how they day has been so far when really their brother was put in jail the day before while their cousin ran away with her recently born baby. One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is the gift of listening. Most of the time, people don't need advice from a counselor as much as they need a friend who will sit and listen to their problems without interrupting or to sit and cry in silence with them. I want ears to hear the crying out of people's souls through their "good" and "fine" responses. 

So, what do I want for Christmas? Oh, you know, the usual. Clothes. Just Dance 3. Swamp People Season 1. An international mission trip. A Northface. A couple CD's. And a heart of flesh to replace my heart of stone. The usual.

"Into marvelous light I'm running
Out of darkness, out of shame
By the cross you are the Truth
You are the Life, You are the Way" 

Waiting

We always seem to want what we can't have. Why is that? It is a common trend among humanity, and I really don't understand. I am guilty of it, too. I don't understand. That is the phenomena of the human mind. We want something that is unattainable for us. It is like a game for us. Can we catch his eye? Will he finally ask me on that date I've been waiting for so long? We want the mystery, the chase, but when we catch it what do we do? Usually, we lose interest. But wait! There's that one person, even once we've caught, we never tire of seeing. We await their call/text like a kid waiting to open his presents on Christmas. Once you have found that person, do not let them go. But what do we do if we have finally found that person, that one person who we can't wait to just talk to for five minutes, but we can't have them? Whoa. That threw a kink in the system. What do you do, when you've found someone who you don't look for the faults in or make up lame excuses to keep from having to put make up on, but they love someone else? Well my friend, that is when you watch a sappy love movie, eat some chocolate, then put your big girl panties on. If he loves someone else, that means he is happy with that someone else. If you actually loved him, you would be happy for him that he found someone who makes him happy, even if it is not you, because that is all you want for him.
Some may ask, but what if y'all were meant to be together? What if you told him how you felt so he would come back to you? First of all, hello!, he was never with you in the first place. Second, if it was meant to be, God will bring him back to you without you having to do anything besides wait on the Lord. So for the one who this was written for, I'll be waiting for you. If God brings you back to em, I'll be waiting.

Scholarship??

I'm doing this to hopefully get a scholarship. Please register! (even with a fake email address or something!)
http://www.fastweb.com/referral/Hallie_Kinard

Not My Plan, But Yours

You know that moment when your world just got flipped on its axis? You thought things would go one way but all of a sudden they take an opposite turn. You prepare to take a left turn and start to lean to the right to go with the flow, then BAM the driver takes a right and throws you off your balance! What just happened? You're too busy processing why things felt weird to look around and see what is happening around you. Okay so maybe that's not the exact same thing I'm feeling at the moment, but you get the idea. Things are just not turning out the way I had planned for them to unfold. But, I guess that's for the best.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, 
   but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21


That verse speaks to my heart right now because it is only in God that I have a firm place to stand. I know people may mean well, but God will never disappoint. I will wait. I will wait on the Lord and wait on His purpose. Although I don't understand what is going on and why He is making certain things happen the way they are, I will pursue His love and trust. Trust that He knows me. Trust that He loves me. Trust that the Lord has my best purpose in mind, and that what He has planned is better than anything I could have ever imagined for myself. I can't wait to see what He has in store for me. Literally.

Look at the nations and watch— 
   and be utterly amazed. 
For I am going to do something in your days 
   that you would not believe, 
   even if you were told.

Habakkuk 1:5

Made

What am I doing here? As I lay in my bed with a 3 inch thick memory foam on top with my three pillows surrounding me watching”The Big Bang Theory”, I wonder. I wonder what am I doing worthwhile with my life? Am I making a difference? Will someone remember the ways I impacted their life in the end? Do all of the worries about how to cut my hair, what sorority I may get into, will I eat turkey or ham during Thanksgiving, matter? If I’m not put on this earth to make a difference in at least one person’s for the better, why else would I be put here? I’m just one in six billion, right? Wrong. I may only be one person, but I can make a difference, at least in one person’s life. As Mother Theresa would say, “If you can’t feed a hundred, feed one.” I will feed one.

My life has been relatively easy, but that does not mean that I was not made for something. Sure I can’t tell people of a heart wrenching testimony about how I was addicted to drugs and near death when my friend intervened and brought my back to life and showed me that there is a faith worth living for, but maybe I can be that friend to someone.

Everywhere I look, people are bearing burdens that seem unmanageable for the average human: the loss of a loved one, helping a suicidal friend, a heart breaking for the orphaned. Sometimes I wonder why we care so deeply for other people who sometimes do not even want to be helped. Why do it when it cuts to the core of our soul? Because we love. We were called to love. We received an unmeasurable love that overflows from our lives into the lives of those around us. We receive endless grace that washes away our filthy hearts and turns us into a beautiful treasure. No, we may not make sense to people who have not experienced this kind of mercy, but we care for others we know what it feels like to be lost as well. We were lost, wandering blind in the black of night, groping for anything solid, searching. We did not know what we were searching for.

We were made. Made to love. Made to cherish. Made to laugh. Made to cry. Made to rejoice. Made to mourn. Made to glorify. Made to encourage. Made to make a difference.

A New Chapter

When you're about to leave for college, there are things people tell you that you will miss. Then, there are those things that you actually miss.

What people tell you that you will miss...

• High School
• Family
• Friends
• Your Bed
• Home-cooked Meals
• Your Parents' Wallets

What you actually miss...

• Family
• Friends
• Your Shower
• Your Closet
• Home-cooked Meals
• Your Mom's Medicine Cabinet
• Your Home Church
• A Pantry
• Knowing Where You're Going
• Your Family's Hugs
• Knowing You Always Have a Safe Place to Go

Things I love about college...

• Freedom
• Not Having a Curfew
• Doing Whatever the Heck You Want

What I wish I knew...

You will feel alone, but you're not. There is always someone there for you to talk to. There is always someone who will listen, even if no human human being will. Your faith becomes the most important factor in your life. Lean on Him. Believe in Him. Trust in Him. God will take you far.

What is Icing?

“What is icing on the cake?” you may ask. Well, my definition is… anything I want. Anything that entertains me, amuses me, or simply interests me. So this will be a place where I post whatever my heart desires. If you don’t like it, I’m sorry, I believe this isn’t your cake to ice. Good day, sir!


My acceptance letter got lost in the mail. Sad day.